Uncle Luke For Mayor

Captain D, aka Uncle Luke is running for mayor of Miami Dade. The city is about to really get crunk. One of his platforms is to tax the strippers, so its about to be some mad chicks out there. 

On stripper taxing: 
Even though all my stripper friends are gonna be mad at me, I think we can stimulate the economy with a tax on strippers. They make all this money and don’t pay taxes. I’d take that cash and put it into a fund where it supports youth athletics for girls like cheerleading or softball. Or it can go to help pay for existing little girls programs that are struggling to get government assistance.
On why he plans on running: 
I am mad frustrated. I have always been involved in politics, going back to my battles in the city of Miami Beach, dealing with the city commissioners and the mayor. I ran my own nightclub, and I believed African-Americans were treated badly during Memorial Day weekend.


On his platform:
The current administration of Mayor Carlos Alvarez hasn’t created any new jobs, yet we keep these government employees who have been around for decades and aren’t doing anything. Then there’s affordable housing. People in the James E. Scott projects have been kicked out of their homes and forced to move to other parts of the county. The same has happened in other parts of the county. Places have been knocked down and never rebuilt. Folks were displaced because of politics and scandal. Instead of this massive incompetence, we need to build gated communities with security-guard entrances in the inner city. Then people would feel just as safe as those wealthier folks who live in Fisher Island and the Kendall suburbs.